


his favorite girl

by WattStalf



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: BATSTURBATION, Crack Fic, Masturbation, O GOD I DID THE THING, Other, cos he's fapping with a bat, its canon so, okay, you can't even blame me for this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:38:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6514705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His private moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	his favorite girl

**Author's Note:**

> HE SAYS HE DOES IT IM JUST RUNNING WITH IT OKAY  
> this isn't serious so please don't take this seriously its a joke i did it as a joke im sorry  
> Also, I mention a Nina in here, because I got my bullshit wife OCs and in my bullshit OC universe, Nina's the second wife.  
> 

It started off as a joke, that was what he kept reminding himself, but the fact that it didn't stay one...well, that was a fact he could not be fully ashamed of. Shame didn't come easy to him, after all, and he liked what he liked. So what if that involved an unconventional relationship with his favorite girl?

It started way back when, when he was still establishing himself and when he only had two wives. And, as he was slowly finding out, even two women were not enough to handle his needs, and he had managed to exhaust both Sherry _and_ Nina, and he was still so goddamn horny he couldn't stand it. But there wasn't much he could do about that, not without going through the slow and boring process of seeking out a new partner for the night, and he wouldn't dream of making one of them do any more than they wanted to. He was on his own, the most powerful man in his new world forced to jack off because didn't have anyone to fuck.

Negan groaned, flopping down in his chair and looking up to wear Lucille rested in her place of honor. “Heh,” he said, “don't know why I fucking bother with anyone else. You're the only bitch I really need, aren't you? Yup, that's fucking right, you never fail me.”

He sighed, unzipping his pants and freeing his achingly hard cock. “You're never too tired for me, are ya? Fuck no, you're always dying for more action. That's my girl, my dirty little bitch.” That was when he began to notice it; talking like that, even when it was to a baseball bat, really got him going. He had always been fond of dirty talking, but he had always been fond of talking in general, so that was a given. Taking his cock in hand, he continued.

“Fuck yeah, you love to do whatever I want, don't you? Mmm, that's fucking right you do.” He moaned, working his hand up and down the base, starting with slow, lazy strokes. “Bet you wish you could be the one touching this dick, huh, baby? Yeah, I fucking bet, I bet you get real fucking jealous of Sherry and Nina, don't you? Don't worry, you know you're my goddamn favorite, my best fucking girl.”

He picked up speed with his hand, breath hitching in his throat; this was going a hell of a lot better than expected, but he still felt like he was missing something. Maybe it was just the lack of real woman and the fact that he was staring at Lucille rather than digging around to see if he still had any old magazines, but he didn't think so. If anything, his "interactions" with his favorite girl were only helping him along.

"Yeah, you're probably real fucking jealous right now, huh? Can't fuck either of them, so I'm doing it all on my lonesome, when you're right there, fucking watching. What, you want in on this? Damn, baby, you are forward tonight."

He laughed and his laugh faded into a deep, throaty moan. Maybe it wasn't so bad, him being left alone with her like this. Maybe he could finish himself off just fine without either of his wives to help and maybe his loyal lady was all he really needed. An idea started forming in his mind, a very ridiculous idea that made him snort, but an idea that did not go away.

"You know I fucking love you, right, baby?" he asked. "You know you're really the only one for me, right? Aw, I know it's not fair, you don't get in on the action, but just fucking think what the girls would have to say about that."

He thought about the way Sherry rolled her eyes when he joked about Lucille being his favorite wife and the way Nina often asked her why he hadn't “officially” married Lucille, and he wondered what they really would say if he took things all the way, even for the sake of the joke. And that got him wondering how he would even go about doing something like that. It wasn't as if a baseball bat had a pussy, after all, and he didn't know how else he could fuck her.

“I'm really thinking about this, holy shit,” he said aloud. “You sure know how to tempt a man, Lucille, I'll give you that. But I'm at a complete fucking loss. What do you want from me?”

Lucille didn't answer, but he made a show of leaning in with interest, even knowing that there was no one there to watch said show, and he continued to pump at his cock all the while. He was getting there, slowly but surely, but he needed something more and the more he joked about it, the more he thought that this was just crazy enough to work. It certainly wouldn't hurt matters, he supposed.

There was no pretty way to do this, he realized, and he rose from his seat to get her down. Just holding her in his hand gave him a feeling of power, the sort of feeling that had become addictive as of late. She really was the love of his life, and it only made sense he did what he could to show her a good time. He sat back down, holding her carefully by the very bottom, giving himself ample space for what he had in mind for her.

The way he held her, there was enough room for him to rub himself along the smooth wood. He was careful to run his hand along her first, just to make sure it was still as smooth as he remembered and that there was no chance of him getting splinters where he really didn't want them, and then he began. It was hardly stimulation; if it were anything else, any other time, it wouldn't have done anything for him, but it was the awareness of what he was actually doing that was turning him on a lot more than he had expected.

And that was how he found himself rubbing his dick up and down Lucille, stopping just short of the barbed wire each time. He moaned, praising her performance and jerking his hips, loving every damn second of his stupid, ridiculous idea. It was so stupid, so ridiculous, and so goddamn unusual that it was practically taboo, and taboo made everything sexy. That was why he liked it so much, he figured, and he kept it up until he could hardly contain himself.

That was when he pulled Lucille back away from him and wrapped his free hand back around his. “Almost there, baby, almost there. Yeah, you did good, you did just fucking great. Just lemme fucking look at you, baby, oh fuck!” He cried out, so loud he was sure he would wake up at least one of the girls, but he didn't really care; he felt so fantastic, he didn't give a fuck if he woke up every living soul left in the world, and he came, shooting his load right onto his lovely lady.

Panting, he grinned lazily at Lucille while he caught his breath and slowly came down from his climax. She was covered in his seed now, mingling with the dried blood and guts, and he shook his head. “Pretty much sums me up,” he mumbled. “Fuck, baby, you're the best I've ever had. Don't know why I ever thought I'd need anyone but you.”

Though it had all started as a joke, it really had been nice. Fucking weird, but nice, nonetheless, and had certainly been enough to tide him over until Sherry or Nina was ready for more. Still, the novelty would eventually wear off, and someday it might not feel so weird and therefore might not be so good, and then he'd be without a quick fix when the girls were too tired. Perhaps it was time he started looking for a third wife.

 

**Author's Note:**

> please don't tell my future employers about this


End file.
